FYI
I don’t know if anyone even visits this blog, follows it or will read this, but I started a new blog over here: http://www.homeschoolrescue.com. My hope is to review products that help kids (specifically homeschooled kids with special learning needs like my children) and to offer tips, advice, and encouragement. This is my 6th year into homeschooling and although I can’t say life is easier, I do at least feel like I am more grounded.
A side note: My mom died on June 2nd this summer. I found her in her bathroom and she had been dead for at least 2 days. It’s been a very trying thing. She was my biggest supporter of schooling my kids and I will miss her deeply. I feel like I wanted to carry on in some way the support she gave me, so I created this website to do that. I hope that I can help others as they trudge through this journey too.
This blog and stuff
Really sorry I have not posted in what seems like ages. I probably won’t have much time to do blogging over here. I have 2 websites now that I maintain, plus I am doing side work on 2 other websites for 2 different non-profits, I homeschool, drive my autistic daughter to school for 2 hours a day, maintain what’s left of my house, volunteer in the church preschool class every single week, and somehow manage what’s left of my sanity.
If you want to hear more from me, I have 2 websites where I frequently write:
Cross Driven – I talk mostly about my Christian walk here.
Take Two Reviews – A website my twin sister and I created that offers reviews, giveaways, and humorous topics about motherhood and life.
I’ll keep this website up for now. I might resurrect it later…but for now, it may seem like a ghost town 
Why do I whine about Autism?
I don’t blog nearly enough on this blog. I don’t know why. I’m pretty busy with my other blog, Cross Driven. However, I feel pulled to blog over here as well. I feel like I can be more open with my struggles at this blog. I try to be a little more uplifting on my other blog, but sometimes I need to vent. This blog is kind of set up for that reason.
I sometimes feel a little bit uneven. This blog, I tend to be more “here are my struggles. If you don’t like it…beat it”. Over at Cross Driven, I’m more — “I won’t judge you”. LOL. At different times, I do feel both of those extremes. Still, I feel a tad hypocritical.
Most people wandering on my blog have children (and sometimes other family too) that have extreme stresses. I feel hypocritical because my daughter, although a struggle, is really not as bad as I make her out to be sometimes. Sure, we have the meltdowns. We have the lack of hygiene. We have the social problems. They are mild though in comparison to other kids I’ve seen who have ASD and can’t talk and have major troubles. I just feel like I’m crying over spilled milk sometimes.
Here is a stupid complaint: My daughter likes to come to the store with me. She does not like unpredictability or meeting new people or even saying HI to them. If I’m there, she is fine. However, she clings to me like she is about to die of falling or something. She hangs on my arm. It annoys me. I feel bad because I say “Can you not hang on to me?” But honestly, if I let her hang on me all day, I’d get nothing done. It just annoys me. What a stupid thing to complain about right? I mean, some people would die to have their kids hang on them. Instead, they are off with friends and don’t care about parents. Or they are dysfunctional and just don’t want to be touched, period. Here I am complaining about something so stupid!
Anyway, so I feel a bit like a hypocrite. I feel fortunate that my daughter can walk, talk, and even does dance. Is she great at those things? No. She struggles. Thankfully dance is laid back (lots of other kids who struggle too) but every time she does her performance, she gets better. She is doing much better in school too. I’m a brat because I know most parents can’t say that. Lots of parents I know that have ASD kids are going to be dealing with their children for the rest of their lives. Independence is out of reach or hopeless.
Lastly, its easy for me to feel like I’m somehow less spiritual because I have these feelings. Some people have commented on my blog saying they feel the same way. I can’t speak for everyone who wanders to this blog, but for me, I must remind myself that yes, I am weak and broken and full of failure. I am hopeless. Feeling bad about things in our lives is not a sin. Was David wrong to mourn the loss of his son? Was it wrong for Naomi to feel so bad that she wanted everyone to call her Mara (bitter)? Was it wrong for David or even Job to feel like they wished they had not ever been born? I don’t think so. They never said one thing bad about God. They just were sad at the events that had played out in their lives. God never abandoned them though and He won’t abandon you either. He created you for a reason. He created your child for a reason too. For me, I am learning just how beautiful she is. The more I view her in this light, the more I think I’m the one with the problem. She’s amazing. I am thankful for her, complaints and all.
Weekly Homeschool Highlights April 12-18
If you want to grab this button, its on the sidebar of my blog 
Sorry for the delay with this and I totally didn’t do it at all last week. Going to give it a whirl. If I don’t get much response this week, I’m probably going to not bother. But I hope you will submit your highlights here.
It’s simple. Just write up a post highlighting what you did this week in your homeschool. It can be anything from field trips to a science project or maybe just a run down of your week. Then grab the code of your post (not your website) and post it below in the MckLinky. It would be best to write something like this MB@UndertheRubble for the name of your blog. That way, we get to know you better!
If you have any questions, please ask! Look forward to seeing all your highlights for this week (or last if you prefer).
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Click here to enter your link and view the entire list of entered links…
ASD, Aspergers, and Suicide
Ask any parent about the future of their autistic child and you will find there is an underlying sadness in their hearts. There is sadness for what could have been, what they could have done better, and for the future of their child. Will he/she always be this way? Will progress be made? Will they ever be independent? Is it possible for them to ever have a relationship? The questions are heartbreaking. They are endless. The outlook sometimes seems quite grim.
Those who struggle with depression are really close to my heart. I lost my triplet brother to suicide when I was 17. He hung himself about a mile from our apartment. In fact, the woods he killed himself was right across a small lake that we could see from the back of our apartment building. There were many days after my brother died that I would sit by that lake and ponder all the why’s and what he was thinking. It is something I carry with me everyday.
It is not a surprise to know that children with autism and Aspergers suffer from depression. With all the confusion of these disorders, the hurtful and mean comments by ignorant people, and the feelings of being awkward and weird, it is no wonder these kids can become depressed. It is something I worry about sometimes with my daughter. The only thing she has going for her is that she doesn’t understand facial cues and when comments are made by morons, she pretty much doesn’t get it anyway.
Still, she will probably always struggle with relationships and be more stressed than the average person. This isn’t always the case, but I know she has to work much harder than average children just to get from A to B. Things do not come naturally for her as far as intelligence goes. When I think about all of that, it makes me incredibly sad. If all I knew was these statistics, my daughter’s life would be full of doom and gloom.
Thankfully, that isn’t all I know. That isn’t the end of her story. I don’t believe God made her just to struggle and be stressed without meaning. You only need to read the book of Job and see how God uses bad things for His glory, or read about the blind man in Matthew, where Jesus points out that it was neither the fault of the the Father or Mother, but so that “the works of God might be displayed” in him. Or what about David and Jonathan. David finds Jonathan has a son who is crippled and he gives him a portion of his land and makes sure he is well cared for. God doesn’t abandon the hurting, afflicted, or the autistic. He loves them. He loves us too, as we deal with these struggles day in and day out. We are not alone.
I like to meditate on Psalms 139 often. It is so beautiful and all about how God formed us and knew how we would be before we were even made. If you look at Psalms 139:16, we can be lifted up and know that God has not forgotten about our child: “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (NIV). We don’t have all the answers. We will surely encounter issues that we just don’t understand. God has not left us. He has promised us in James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (NIV)
I have had to dwell on these verses and thoughts this week as I have been struggling SO much too. Thank you to those who have left comments. It has been encouraging and helpful and I feel blessed because of it.
Firefox Plugins for Homeschool
I use Mozilla Firefox as my web browser. I have to say, its really cool. I think you should use it too. Why? Well because Firefox has the coolest plugins and when you are a busy mom like me looking for resources or trying to make the most of your time, this is really helpful. I will outline below some of the ones I really like:
1) Glubble. Glubble is a plugin that allows you to create a family page and control what websites your children can and cannot view. I like it because its full of educational games. I wish I would have found it earlier this year as we studied Egypt. They have collections of websites that are kid friendly (like Ancient Egypt!). You can leave your kids messages, approve websites for them to view, and they can even post photos and upcoming events. This is a safe experience for your kids. The one drawback is if you only have one computer you will have to log in and out of the child’s account which can be a big pain.
2. Snappy Words Visual Dictionary. From the websites, “Snappy Words is a Free Interactive English Dictionary and Thesaurus that allows you to finding meaning of words and other associated words in a visually interactive display. Lookup a word and see other related words of main query, each with meaning.”
3. Converter. Convert Measurements using this plugin.
4. Addictive Typing Lessons. Just as the name suggests, use these to teach typing!
These are just a few I have used. I have also read a few articles about other plugins and they have many, many more listed for use there. Here are few I’ve found:
100 Amazing Fire Fox Add-Ons for Homeschoolers
The Top 10 Reasons ALL Educators Should Use Firefox
I definitely think these sites are worth checking out! Hope this helps ya!
Autism sucks
I really feel like I have no one to vent to or no one who wants to listen or no one who really understands. I feel like all I do is deal with conflict and it sucks. I am sick of everyone expecting me to find the silver lining in autism. I can’t right now. I have to deal with it head on. I get it….God made my daughter this way, but do I really have to like it? Do I have to thoroughly enjoy the constant battles, the disappointment, the feeling like I can’t get through?
I stupidly signed up at the beginning of this year to be in the Preschool 2 class, which is 4 year olds. I’m in there every week as a small group leader. I get to have a relationship, to some degree, with 4 year olds. They aren’t always easy to deal with either, but it gets me away from my stresses at home. It was a mistake however for me to do so because of what I have to do in order to get there. There is always someone who gets upset that I will be in the class or that I have to leave early. It’s just a huge inconvenience from the time I get up in the morning to go, until the time I leave to go home. Yet, I still find it somewhat fulfilling as I’m serving and loving on kids.
The problem is every Sunday morning, no matter how much I prepare my kids for the next day, is full of drama. I should clarify, most of that drama comes from my daughter with Autism. She tells me the night before that yes, she will go and yes she will take a shower and yes, she will cooperate. The next day comes and she is in tears, grumpy, and fearful. A simple task like combing hair becomes a huge nightmare that results in tears, her drooling all over herself, and in the fetal position unable to move. There is no talking sense into her. There is no cooperation in the least. Many times, I’ve just left her there and gone to church mad. How can I encourage and love other kids but feel so inadequate with my own? Well I do. I feel like a waste of good air. Yesterday, I was so upset because my husband decided to pull out the blame card because every breakdown around here is actually my fault, that is a give in. Don’t blame my daughter at all. She’s an innocent by-standard because she has Autism. I ended up not even going to church, disappointing my kids, the leaders, and myself.
What people don’t understand that this isn’t even the half of it. If I made it to church, I would still have to deal with her unwillingness to go into her class. She would have to sit in the service with my husband. It just is a never ending battle. I told my husband that after I am done with this preschool commitment, I am not attending church anymore. I don’t get to know anyone at church anyway and all the sermons are online. Really, why do I need this hassle? It hardly seems worth it. I’m glad that there are others who can deal, have a huge support system, and feel like every thing they do there is a bright spot no matter how dim things get. I just am not that person. I guess I’m not enlightened enough to see God in every detail. I just feel like giving up and everything I know to be true is just a bunch of head knowledge and I’m unable to live like a true Christian. I’m a fake, plain and simple. I can’t read God’s word and feel encouraged. I just feel doomed. And I’m raising another generation of doubters. Where in my life do I hold firm? Nowhere. I am like one tossed in the sea..trying to keep my head above water. I don’t care that the water is beautiful or that the sun up above is shining on me. I just see the water that is about to pull me under and there is no hope in that.
I think I’m going to give up blogging for a while. My blog Cross Driven Home is just a fake. I feel like every word I want to believe is just impossible to take root in my life. I believe it one day, hope to encourage others, but then the next day I am suffering so much I can’t see the truth in my own life. LIES! I feel like a liar. I feel like a fake. And I’m utterly disappointed in life and all that has been handed me.
Writing Reviews
I started writing reviews over at Learning Things, where I sometimes order homeschool supplies. I just wanted to share that with you and hope you will take a look at my review!
A Mother’s Heart for her kids
It wasn’t God’s plan that I have 6 kids and homeschool them all. It wasn’t His plan that they all grow up to be geniuses. It wasn’t His plan that I was super hero of the Homeschool Mom world. It wasn’t His plan that I would just feel like I fit and belong and always feel this is where I am supposed to be.
It was God’s plan that I have 3 kids who are all very different and challenging. They aren’t geniuses, but they are my kids. They might not even graduate with honors, but I see they have the Father’s Heart. Isn’t that what we all want? This mom does. I might not be Super Mom or Homeschool Pro, but He sees me and is making me more like Himself. Isn’t that what I want? Yes Lord, it is. And even if my kids only become humble workers who do a good job, that will be ok with me. As long as I know they love Jesus and are serving Him, not man, then I will feel overjoyed and honored that I had this chance…this one shot to get them to see the wonderful things about God that I never knew.
God let Your plans be my plans. Let the plans for my kids always come from a heart that loves You more than myself and more than how I appear to everyone else. Your plans are the best. You only give good gifts. Help me to love the gifts and love my kids the way You love them.
Weekly Homeschool Highlights
Well, I’ll kick things off. First of all, I wasn’t planning on doing a post this week about this, so my lack of pictures for THIS WEEK is quite sad. However, I’ll be a rule breaker here and post some from the week before. We went to the Zoo and the kids had so much fun. It was a tad cold, but not unbearable. It was the first time we were able to go with our littlest one, Little Man, because last year, he threw a fit. Now he is great. He just loves everything at the zoo.
Here are a few pics of our adventure:
Back at home, we had some fun with the animals there too. We spotted a beautiful Blue Jay (wish this shot was better) outside by my garden and Little Man decided to let our parakeet out of the cage. It was quite humorous. He just wanted to play with him.
Living things were on the brain. We painted a Stag Beetle with Acrylic paints. Lots of mixing and messes, but it was fun.
We enjoyed a few nice days (its cold here AGAIN) and got to do some of this:
What else are we learning?
Young Lady is in school 2 hours a day, so I know she is doing division and multiplication in Math and reading a book, but I honestly don’t know what it is. Then she does some Occupational and Speech Therapy games (basically socializing). She seems to like it and she’s been better about being more social lately. At home, we are learning about Elijah and Elisha; Buddhism and Hinduism; India, and reading the Children’s Homer about the adventures of Odysseus. It’s been quite interesting. I didn’t think I would enjoy Greek myths and sometimes they tend to bore me, but its been fun.
Girly Girl is learning much of the same things since we use the same curriculum for both grades, but in Math she is still doing Math U See Beta. She seems to be struggling with the multiple digit addition and carrying. But, she’s getting it.
They are both doing well. We have 8 weeks left of school. Next week we will be off, but will be learning about Passover and the Omer as a part of school, but it will be more fun than work.
What about you? Will you be off next week?
